Almost done

Last night was an adventure. I began writing a paper around 8:00. The goal was 5-10 pages... I finished up around 4:00 this morning with 6 pages. It is not my best ever but I am to a point where I don't care. I'm happy with whatever score I woohoo! One more week and then finals are over.

Jesus Still Loves Me

So yesterday I went into the testing center to take a New Testament Midterm.

I got to the desk and realized I had forgotten my bible (open scripture test)*.
Once they give you that paper you can't exactly say, "Oh I'm sorry sir, I can't actually accept this. Go into the computer and change my status back to 'Hasn't taken test' please."
Nope there was a long line behind me and I would probably get laughed at.
It was going to be interesting couple of hours.

After I had turned in my bubble sheet I walked down the stairs to the score monitor.

58%

The minute I saw the score my mind flashed to this post.
Honestly I was really disappointed but I did brush it off.
I did my best. Didn't matter that I bombed it. Jesus still loves me.


*Forgetting my scriptures wasn't my only problem. I'm not going to be reanalyzing my study methods.

Running therapy

When I get frustrated or upset my energy spikes and I don't think like an adult. In the past I have kicked walls or thrown myself on the ground.

After admitting that, I realize it's very immature and childish. Don't judge.

When I get to this point, there is no talking me out of it. I've had people try to comfort me in my frustration and it usually just makes it worse. The only thing for me to do is to get my energy out in someway.

Everyone chills their own way. I have friends who sleep. Others who read books. I know some who just have to be alone and breathe.

My method is the last one. Multiplied a little.

I've found the best way for me to de-stress or avoid my frustration fits is to run.

Yesterday I reached a point of frustration where I couldn't think about anything else but wanting to get out and run. I went straight home and threw on my sweat clothes and running shoes.

An hour and 4.3 miles later I was calm.

Stadium Terrace #18

Fall 2012 semester starts tomorrow. I'm so nervous. Besides the classes that I have to audition for I shouldn't be nervous. All we'll be doing is reading syllabuses. I guess what I am nervous for is what is to come in a month or two. Lots of homework. Blowing it off to sleep. Break downs in my bedroom. Getting bad grades in *pre-reqs.

I just really want to do a good job this year. And of course I know it's all up to me. 

On the upside I moved into my new apartment. I'm really loving it. I picked my roommate according to what pictures she had hanging up in her room. Ended up being an excellent method. She loves Asians, Lord of the Rings, and old classic movies. She's her own kind of weird :) I know we're going to be great friends.

Hey so do you remember Pete... So update. He went out of state for the summer and informed me he wasn't planning on getting in any relationships before then. Well the last guy that I liked as much as Pete I scared off. So this time I decided that I would avoid that. I tried to distract myself. I saw the boy from my American Heritage class. The one I thought I was leading. I saw John. We hung out a couple of times and I could have made it  work. I was reminded of a crush I've had on one of my best friends. He was concerned for my making out well being and gave me the option of a NCMO. I knew it wouldn't fix anything but it would definitely distract. That didn't happened... Well it might have if I hadn't been kicked out of my own neighborhood.

Point being I tried to get myself over Pete. Or at least stop thinking about him. I went a whole month without talking to him.

Side note. For some reason I feel the need to tell the guy that I'm interested in everything that is happening in my life. When I asked friends to take a look at our conversations, my friends said that he seemed too much like my shoulder to cry on... I'm screwed because I don't know how to flirt with guys so that was my only form of getting to know him. Ah nuts. 

Anyway I saw him yesterday to practice dancing and of course he had to be such a stinkin sweetie. Pretty much everything I did during the summer failed. I want to call him and just talk. I want to go to his apartment and tell him everything that has happened to me this summer. I want to ask him about a high school friend of his that he might possibly be interested in. I'm supposed to give it time but I don't want to.

Please tell me I'm not the only girl whose ever felt like this in their life.

*I'm looking into switching from the dance major to a dietetics major. You have to apply to the program after taking all the pre-reqs. For me that's looking at being February 2014. We'll see how that goes.

Life in a song

I've come to the sad conclusion that I worry way too much about my love life.

But here is a song that pretty much summarizes where I am with life in general.

Social life

You know that moment when you find out you get to spend time with that someone you are interested in?

I don't know about you but I just about explode with excitement.

I have been containing that excitement inside me for a few days now.

Then today happened. 

I looked at my calendar and realized that it's going to have to be postponed.

Reality Check.

Trina, you a are a busy college student. 

Having a social life is not allowed.

Sometimes I really hate being busy.

Testing center proposal

I heard a genius idea today.

Background before I tell you.

There is a wonderful testing center here at BYU. The workers are super encouraging. You turn your test in. Go down some stairs. Stare at a monitor until your score pops up. If your score is above a 90%, you get a wonderful note next to the score saying, "Way to go!" or "Congratulations!"

When you happen to do that well, you read those couple words and get a rush of self-gratification.
Unfortunately that doesn't happen all the time. Hardly ever. Well at least for me.

Today I heard this wonderful idea. For all those who get below a 60% the Testing Center should put something like, "Jesus still loves you" next to the score.

Amen to that.

Socially Dead

When I moved, I planned on my social life improving.

Unfortunately the only thing that has changed is my address.                  I'm still antisocial.

It was only on this fine Friday evening while making meatloaf that I realized this. 

       Last weekend all I did was watch movies, do homework and feasted on food.

              And that is exactly how the weekend before that went.

Besides making a corsage for my little brothers date tomorrow night and going to a wedding reception, this weekend is going to be practically identical.

But to be honest, I'm not too bummed about it. 

At the moment I think my life is full and wonderful just the way it is.

Cold? No, thank you.

Well cyber world I decided that it was time to show my existence again.

Words from the Wise:
If you know that you have to get up heinously early the next morning but your laundry isn't getting done because you keep forgetting to switch it, push the pause button on finishing your laundry. Your sleep shouldn't be compromised.

Let's just say I compromised and it wasn't a very smart thing to do. I texted my supervisor Sunday night @ 11:00 p.m. saying I wouldn't be coming in for work the next morning because I wasn't feeling well. That was a little white lie. I didn't want to text him, "Hey so I was stupid and didn't decide to go to bed till just now. If I come into work tomorrow morning, I'll only be getting 4 hours of sleep tonight. For the sake of my body needing rest, I'm not going to come in." I went to bed that night restless. I couldn't just lie like that because I honestly felt fine. But I set my alarm for 7 anyway.

Of course my body would not let it be though. I woke up the next morning at 4:15 thinking, "I wasn't going to go in but I feel fine. I'm just being a big baby. If I go in, I'll only be 30 minutes late." So I did.

By Monday afternoon my nose began getting the itchy feeling it gets right before I get a cold. Spectacular. In hopes I could ward it off, I had a whole can of vegetable soup for dinner. Unfortunately it didn't work.

A few days later, in the brunt of my sickness, I truly wasn't feeling well and did want to text in sick but I knew I couldn't this time.

This weekend in my attempts to get better, I've stayed at home, drinking all the fluids possible. I've gotten a bit better but so I can truly smack this cold in the bum, I'm staying home from church so that I can sleep.

Tears are necessary sometimes

You know I could write this blog as if my life were perfect.
I could only ever talk about things that are good that happen to me but then it wouldn't be true to it's name.
A simple life doesn't mean that it's a PERFECT life. It's still life.

People say that you shouldn't focus on the bad. You should try to only see the good.
I've been guilty of saying it. But you can't ignore the hard stuff forever. So this is me telling you how I smacked it right in the face. It's still there but I've given it a piece of my mind and I will show that I will keep on living.
This might be a little scattered but that's how my thoughts are so...

Remember how I made my decision to cut my credit hours this semester from 17.5 to 13.5? Probably one of the smartest things I've done in the last couple of weeks.

Since school started last week I've been stressed.
During the day I've been trying my best to be the best student I can be.
My dance teachers have been throwing dance routines and combinations at me so fast, that the fact that I'm keeping up is a miracle.

I eat breakfast at 3:45ish. Lunch at 9. Then dinner at 3.
Every evening when I get home I am so exhausted I just want to collapse on my bed and sleep for 10 hours.
But every evening I start thinking about everything I have to do, handling my new job as SDEO secretary, all my homework, what groceries I'm going to buy, am I going to have enough for rent, and the fact that I have to wake up at 3 the next morning.

Then I remember that everything close to me isn't close at all. A week ago my apartment was a complete stranger to me. I don't live with wonderfully familiar faces anymore. Cam and Kenzie are potentially moving far away. My sweet little brother, who would rather hang out with me than his friends, can't just walk into my room and listen to me vent whenever I need it. He lives 30 minutes away. All the people who love me most, are far away. And the person I usually rely on to keep me thinking realistically, is going on a mission halfway around the world.

Every night I get stressed and anxious about life and I feel like no matter what I tell myself, it won't work. The only bit of crying I've been doing has been a couple tears in my bed or while writing in my journal.

Then last night happened.
Todd and I were trying to practice our routines when he asked, "You're a mess aren't you?"
I broke down and bawled my eyes out. I talked to Todd about my frustrations. About how much I hate my work hours. How I'm sure I would be doing fine if I weren't waking up so early. (Todd has worked the exact same job so he understands.)

Later I decided it was time to call Mom and talk to her about life.
***Just FYI mom's are wonderful. I'm so grateful to have Carrolee as mine.***
She knew just what I needed. She let me explode and then she comforted. Then she talked reason helping to calm me down. I'm no longer trying to convince myself that I can do this. She reminded me that I can. Talking to her has helped so much.

I'm still stressed but I'm no longer trying to say I'm not. I know that through Heavenly Father, I can conquer this semester.

I applied for a summer job up in Alaska last night. Just so I can get out of Utah. I also applied for two others alternate jobs for the semester to give myself options.

I also decided to call in sick this morning to work. I might not have a cold or the flu but I definitely was sick for a break. I'm starting over today. I woke up at 6:45. Showered. Did homework. Ate lunch. (I missed breakfast while sleeping.) Then baked potatoes for dinner this afternoon.

I can do this.

Wise advice.

I've made a New Years' Resolution to be a good student this semester.

I'm going to do it.

But 12 hours ago I was planning on taking 17.5 credit hours, working 20 hours a week at unreasonable hours, get not so much sleep...

Then something happened. A class I was auditioning for was moved. It was now right in the middle of a 4 credit hour class I was taking. I then spent hours trying to rearrange my schedule but nothing was working.

I've been calm and not stressed all day but the confusion of trying to figure out my classes was the breaking point. My stress level skyrocketed.

I asked a friend of mine, who's a Junior, about it. "Should I try to take a different class or should I try to get the same class?" She gave me the best advice.

"Why not just take it easy for a semester?"

As I thought about it, I realized it was a wise idea. I'm trying to get in the habit of being a good student. I'm working from 4am-8am, five days a week. I'm stressing to coordinate with my dance partner for practice time. I'm taking hours of dance classes that I need to take this semester.
With it all I'm going to be exhausted. Overloading myself wouldn't help at all.

I'm going to do it. My mishap today might be a blessing in disguise. Or it might be a big mistake. But like Lily from "How I met your mother" says, "It's a mistake I have to make."

Apartment 13

Well it's official. I moved in yesterday with the help of Chelsey and now for the first time tonight I get to sleep in my new bed. I'm pretty excited.

So I'm the only one here at the moment. All of my roommates are still off on holiday. but I've had so much fun already.     Moving all my crap.     Debating wether or not my roommate would kill me if I took down her pretty cool Zelda poster (It's above my bed).     Trying to figure out where to fit all my stuff.    Spilling Eden's rice all over the floor. Searching for the broom (there isn't one).     Deciding that I can't be scared of what my roommates will think, I'm putting my food in the cupboards that look fairly empty.

Compared to these girls, I have food storage. I have a whole shelf dedicated to cans. When I looked into their spice cupboard, I came to the conclusion that my plethora of spices would not fit in there with them.

AND it's a miracle that I'm even posting now. I decided to take a break because all I have left now is my dinner ware. So what better thing to do than to set up your internet. Well my manager had sent me an email telling me how but you know you really can't check your email if you don't have the password to the internet... Whoops. I had to brave going out into the cold in my pj's to get to know my neighbors. But here we are. I survived.


Love. Trina.

News!! Wonderful News!

So my new job is just great...

It's killing me slowly actually. 

But really only because I live so far away from campus all I have it my bike.

The girl I work with doesn't do her job half the time.

She says she's about to go do something, sits for a minute and then starts a conversation.

Hey Girlie, some of us are trying to earn an honest paycheck!!

Anyway, The lack of sleep has caused a cold to come over me. Not very happy about that one.

On the flip side. I took my last two finals today! If you disregard work, my break has begun!

Woo Hoo!!!!

And I officially started getting my clothes ready to pack up for my move. 

I don't think I ever really let you know... I did it. I found a place closer to campus to live! 

I can move in the 31st of December. I'm so beyond excited:)

Well it's bed time for me... Even though it's only six. 

Goodnight

3 Weeks

Life has happened.

Highlights.
*I witnessed a bird commit suicide. The next day I learned my teacher gave him a funeral.
*I've prioritized and stopped doing half my reading assignments. Something has to be sacrificed if I want to stay sane.
*I'm now employed.
*I've learned of a halfway nocturnal species of human walking BYU campus. AM custodial.
*I've started daydreaming about and hoping to be able to move closer to campus.
*I've learned that I'm leading a certain boy on and I don't have to say yes to a date again. Don't know exactly how that will go.
*We made 27 pies for Thanksgiving.
*My nieces and nephews came to visit. Oh along with my brother and sister-in-law.
*Natalie went through the temple for the first time.
*There is now a 12 foot Christmas tree standing in my parents house with a little help of a ladder and a tall sister-in-law.
*I realized that I'm so stupid when it comes to liking boys. I'm always falling for the ones who have at least 20 girls who have already called dibs.
*After a perfect date, I've gone on such an exciting emotional roller coaster, that now I don't care if I die a spinster.
*Black Friday has made a major dent in my pocket. I've bettered my wardrobe a bit.
*This semester is almost over.
*I went on a blind date and didn't die.
*The W-4 tax form has confused me.
*A letter came in the mail stamped with the same stamps that I buy. PIXAR. Love.

Hope your past couple of weeks have been grand.

"Life is in session." -The Switch

Hehehe

Bedtime

I have come to the conclusion that once I hit 1:00 A.M. my brain completely shuts down.

Normally I'm forgetful and distracted, resulting in a seriously unfocused Trina. 

But once my brain shuts down it all goes. 

My homework is piling up but it won't help anybody if I'm not actually processing what I am reading.

Bed time.

(This state isn't too productive. Obviously.)

Hakuna Matata

Good morning.

So the second blow of midterms is this week.

I only have 2 exams & I've finished 1 already.

It was American Heritage. There wasn't really any studying happening.

Just cramming. 

I am really proud of the grade I on the last exam

But I studied more.

This round? Not so well.

I think it's a result of my real lack of motivation.

Honestly right now school is only second on my list of importance. That sounds terrible but there no point in lying. I think dance and sleep are winning. 

My body is stressed but I haven't really let myself stress myself out.

I've quit worrying too much about things that I can do without.

Putting on make-up in the morning.

Picking out a cute flattering outfit for the day.

Eating three well rounded meals. So long as it's food.

I'm still showering. That would be gross.

Sadly sometimes this is necessary.

   We have to evaluate what is most important and there need to be sacrifices. I didn't do well on my American Heritage exam, which is the pits but I can't say I deserve a better score. 

I don't.

I studied for the grade I got. It's in the past. 

All I can do now is learn from my mistake and study better for the final. 

And hey at least I didn't fail the exam! 

Life will go on. 

Today's happened list.

8:00  Realize that perhaps no plates or napkins were planned for.

9:00  Confirmed.

1:00  Vent to the poor soul who asked me how I was. 

2:00  Write myself a page full of positive motivational notes.

3:00  Tell people to bring plates. 

3:20-3:30  Stand in front of the donuts trying to figure out how many to buy and which kind. 

4:30  Realize that we were actually organized and did plan for plates and napkins. Get slightly dramatic and fall to the floor in the fetal position.

5:00  Eat a light snack and watch the set-up crew put the tables and chairs up wrong.

6:00  Start freaking out because materials for the balloon arches still haven't arrived.

6:50  Get really excited because everything looks fantastic.

7:00  Freak out again because the only thing that is on the food tables is pizza... 

7:20  The food table is full.

7:40  Watch the games start off terribly at first then take a 180* turn.

8:15  Tell everyone they can now go home.

8:20  Clean up and be happy it worked out. Try to convince body to stop stressing.

11:00  Decide that this weekend there will be personal celebration.

He is always there for us

Although I'm exhausted and I feel stressed I have no reason to be.

So you know how I said I had two papers due today? I typed one yesterday and then came to school today and realized I only had one due. Unfortunately it was the one I hadn't finished yet.

But good news I just barely finished it a couple minutes ago. I proofread it at least a million times so that I could improve it from my last two and I'm to a point where I am proud to call it my paper. I don't know how much better my score will be but oh well... it's life.

Now to the main reason why I am blogging today. I really need to get this down now or else I will forget something. I'm sitting in the library right now. Let's hope I can keep this together as I type this.

I started crying during my dance class today.

Reason?
My teacher gave us all blocks and stickers. We had to write on the sticker one of the things that the evil voice in our head tells us when we're feeling down about our dancing. *I can't tell you what I wrote or else I Will start crying.* Once we had it written down we stuck it to our block. Ms. Kathleen then had us dance with it. She had us do a sequence we learned in the past and switch the block from hand to hand.

It is a lot harder than it sounds.

Afterwards she told us how the block represents darkness and in order to put it down but we had to replace it with light. We came up with a statement to replace it and put the block down.

We then danced again not letting the tought into our head.
This is when I started crying.
I was focusing so hard on my light statement that I was messing the sequence up. This made the thought come back into my head. There was no way I could keep it out.

I had to go pick up my block again.

Kathleen asked me what I could do to make sure that it didn't happen again. I gave a good response but I knew that at that moment it wouldn't work for me.

As I was thinking I realized something. I was trying to do it all on my own. I was trying so hard that I was distracting myself from the real purpose, letting go of what was holding us down and just dancing. I was holding myself down even more.

I realized that I couldn't do it on my own. I really only had to tell myself my statment of light and then let it be. In doing that I was letting Christ into my dancing and allowing him to share my burden.

This applies to everything in our lives. We can't try to get rid of the dark things by ourselves. We have to decide what we're going to do and then turn to our Savior and let him help us through. He will always be there for us so long as we let him in.

Life is funny that way.

STORY:

Time: Summer 2011

My sister is the owner of an awesome, cheap scooter, that is bright red. She named it Eugene.  It really is a fantastic scooter. But I think I'm too klutzy to be around it.

Anyway. I had put some things in the seat so that I wouldn't have to carry them. 

We had arrived home so of course I went to get whatever it was out of the seat. 

Well on Eugene's  right side, there is a huge exhaust pipe. And I got too close. Oops.

It was super painful. 

Time: Fall 2011

We had just arrived home from church. Obviously wearing a skirt, my leg was kinda stuck to 

Eugene's leather seat. I struggled while dismounting to get myself unstuck but in the process

I stepped closer than I usually did. 

The back of my leg slid right down the exhaust pipe. 

Oops.

You think I would have learned my lesson but of course I didn't. 

I have now.

Eugene is like a horse. You should ALWAYS approach him from his left side.

The End.

Great things of my day:

• I slept in 40 minutes today. But I did go to bed last night at one.
• Kathleen Seffield is one of the most incredible women I know. She knows just how to help somebody forget about their stresses.
• I scored the highest I ever have on a college exam today. 
• I laughed for 10 minutes straight.
• My sister and I were discussing shopping for feminine supplies today in the parking garage. We realized that a fellow scooter driver (man) overheard our whole conversation. 
• Mr. Book of Mormon and I had a discussion about our corduroy TOMS. Well mine are knock-off brand but that's alright.
• (Not today) I received a letter in the mail on Saturday.

Oh boy:}

*My dance partner and I now have a Rumba. This is good news.

*Natalie took me to Disney's Broadway version of Mary Poppins last night. So supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

*Carl's Junior's co-store, the Green Burrito, makes disappointing enchiladas. They aren't very good.

*I'm going to have to fight for Jake. In observing my dance classmates, I've come to the conclusion that he has quite a few admirer's. But he'll be worth it.

*I'm very proud of the work I put into my American Heritage essay.

*It's Saturday and I just want to nap.