The truth comes out

Very bluntly. Thank you Pete.

I suspected Pete wasn't single...

I was right.

I feel so relieved! Honestly.

Wondering about it was Stressful!

Ladies and Gents... This is last we'll all be hearing about Pete.

Dear Pete

I give up.

I'm throwing in the towel.

I'm through trying.

If you're interested, it's your problem now.

Because I'm done thinking and worrying about it.

I understand that there comes a point where I just need to let it go.
I've gotten to that point.

It's no fun if you're playing a game on your own.

No matter how much you try to convince yourself it's not just you, it won't change your situation.

Goodbye Pete.

It's okay.
There are always other fish in the sea... Unfortunately quite a few look like this.

Dear Pete

As a friend you told me that you were going to stay unconnected from girls for the summer. I gladly obliged and tried to remain just a friend, not showing too much interest.

Well, Pete, it's no longer summer and I'm first in the line of girls that fills up a whole gym that was waiting for summer to be over.

I will gladly give up my place in line if you would just answer a few questions of mine:

1. Did you really stay unconnected from girls over the summer? Or are high school friends an exception?

2. When you're a real gentleman and you make me feel like a million bucks, is there a little bit of it just for me or is that just what you do for all girls?

3. If there is no interest in me please just be blunt? I know you can be and have been with girls in the past. This way I don't have to waste any more energy or worries on you.

If you could just get back to me as soon as possible, that would be wonderful.

From, Katrina



Oh the things I wish I could say to speed up the process...

Stadium Terrace #18

Fall 2012 semester starts tomorrow. I'm so nervous. Besides the classes that I have to audition for I shouldn't be nervous. All we'll be doing is reading syllabuses. I guess what I am nervous for is what is to come in a month or two. Lots of homework. Blowing it off to sleep. Break downs in my bedroom. Getting bad grades in *pre-reqs.

I just really want to do a good job this year. And of course I know it's all up to me. 

On the upside I moved into my new apartment. I'm really loving it. I picked my roommate according to what pictures she had hanging up in her room. Ended up being an excellent method. She loves Asians, Lord of the Rings, and old classic movies. She's her own kind of weird :) I know we're going to be great friends.

Hey so do you remember Pete... So update. He went out of state for the summer and informed me he wasn't planning on getting in any relationships before then. Well the last guy that I liked as much as Pete I scared off. So this time I decided that I would avoid that. I tried to distract myself. I saw the boy from my American Heritage class. The one I thought I was leading. I saw John. We hung out a couple of times and I could have made it  work. I was reminded of a crush I've had on one of my best friends. He was concerned for my making out well being and gave me the option of a NCMO. I knew it wouldn't fix anything but it would definitely distract. That didn't happened... Well it might have if I hadn't been kicked out of my own neighborhood.

Point being I tried to get myself over Pete. Or at least stop thinking about him. I went a whole month without talking to him.

Side note. For some reason I feel the need to tell the guy that I'm interested in everything that is happening in my life. When I asked friends to take a look at our conversations, my friends said that he seemed too much like my shoulder to cry on... I'm screwed because I don't know how to flirt with guys so that was my only form of getting to know him. Ah nuts. 

Anyway I saw him yesterday to practice dancing and of course he had to be such a stinkin sweetie. Pretty much everything I did during the summer failed. I want to call him and just talk. I want to go to his apartment and tell him everything that has happened to me this summer. I want to ask him about a high school friend of his that he might possibly be interested in. I'm supposed to give it time but I don't want to.

Please tell me I'm not the only girl whose ever felt like this in their life.

*I'm looking into switching from the dance major to a dietetics major. You have to apply to the program after taking all the pre-reqs. For me that's looking at being February 2014. We'll see how that goes.

Another Musdak (Musical Kodak) Moment

I know that in my past I have said that I found a perfect song for my life at the time. 

Well I've been loving Imogen Heap for a year and today I realized that 

one of my favorite songs ironically describes my situation with Pete.

Completely actually.
I'll have to elaborate sometime.

Bad date?

Dating? What is that? Not really but it has been quite a while since I have been on a date. Well that was mostly because the only guy I want to be going on dates with is... out of town. Anyway, I recently met a young man that did catch my interest.
Well I decided instead of just obnoxiously wanting to text him and debating with myself, I would just be bold and ask him on a date. Strawberry days was this last week. What a perfect opportunity. A carnival. A parade. A rodeo.
Since I was already going to the rodeo I decided that it would be fun to turn it into a date.

Background: There was one other couple on this date... and then Chelsey. I have been in this situation before and it wasn't awkward at all so I didn't think of anything of it. Oh and my date had met Chelsey 4ish years ago.

So my date suggested that we go get food before the rodeo and I got to pick. I didn't want to pick somewhere I always go so I chose Rancheritos. I have had food from here before that was super good. But I couldn't remember what I had ordered so I just got a bean and cheese burrito. It was gross. That probably didn't affect anything though.

While eating we talked but it wasn't the best conversation. It seemed like we were both struggling for interest in the topic. First red flag.
We made our way to the rodeo and it improved until we found our seats. I didn't realize at first but after awhile I noticed that my date was more interested in talking and flirting with Chelsey than me. Flag number 2. Well actually more like Major Red Alert. Chelsey flirts with boys and is pretty much oblivious. I know she will be reading this at some point so just know that I don't care at all that she is sassy and flirty. We're all guilty of it.

Anyway I can pretty much sum up the rest of the date in that last paragraph. I tried to talk and to flirt. He did too. But only 10% of the time was it directed toward me.

The rodeo turned into a cookie dough eating dare. Chelsey took it on and then I helped her out. That was pretty much unforgettable.

Jess and her date left for home because of a long drive. I was sad when Jess left but shortly after my date left. As he was driving off the night became 200% better. My jerk of a date didn't matter anymore and it was now Chelsey, Carson and I. I began laughing and I didn't have to care who heard (I'm pretty sure my laugh bugged my date) We went up to the PG water stump (I would say tower but it's not) and just talked. And talked. And talked. I believe we got there between 12 and 1. We didn't get home until 5.

When I think about it now, that was probably the best therapy I have ever had. It was needed. If Chelsey and Carson had left right away I would have gone down to my room and thought about how rude I had just been treated. Having that time on the water tower helped me realize that it didn't matter.

Chelsey is beyond an incredible person. She's cute and easy to talk to. She is a loaded sassy pistol which just makes her personality that much greater. If a guy who is on a date with me isn't able to see me past my best friend, he's not worth my time. I think I might just bring Chelsey on all my dates just so that I can weed out the bad ones.
She won't approve but I think it's a great idea.

I deserve a man who can appreciate who I am and want to focus on me no matter who is walking by.

He's just not that into you

A couple weeks back I deleted Pete's number so that I wouldn't be able to give into the irrational temptations to text him/make stupid calls to him. (I've learned the hard way that I can be pretty weird if I don't keep myself in check.) I rationalized that if I did have a legitimate reason to contact him, I had his number on my voicemail.
Well my phone is very courteous and takes care of old messages that you don't seem to need anymore. It deleted his messages, along with his number. When I realized that his number was gone I just laughed. I once told Pete about my method and then he started joking about whether I had deleted his number. I reassured him I hadn't. Now I have. I didn't mean to make it permanent but there's no going back now.

"If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you. No exceptions." -Alex (He's just not that into you)
The first time I texted him to see how he was, I was embarrassed to find out he hadn't left yet. He stopped by my house to see me before he left. Since he's left I have texted him a few times but responses were limited. I know that he is pretty busy but still... No exceptions. Pete told me that he wasn't interested in getting in any relationships before summer just because he was going to be gone for the whole summer. This could be why nothing ever happened. Or not. I guess I will find out this fall.

For now I have decided that I'm not going to worry about boys. I am going to make this summer incredible and unforgettable. Cross my heart and hope to die.

I think I might be broken

I am so confused.

To understand my confusion you need to hear a story.

Once upon a time... almost three years ago... I met a young man. We'll call him John. I know you have all heard songs that talk about being smitten from the first conversation you have with someone. Well I don't know how many of you have experienced this but I definitely have.
From the very start this guy made me all blubbery. I felt sheepish and at a loss of words. I got excited inside every time I saw him. Any time there was a chance I would see him. Anyway. We spent time together. Had some fantastic times on my front porch where we just talked for hours.

After a while we started seeing less of each other. Almost to the point where I thought I had moved on. I became involved with a different guy and John started getting ready to serve a mission. A couple months before  John left I saw him again and all the feelings I thought were gone came rushing back. I decided that John would always be that one guy that would have a part of me. That was the last time I saw him before he left.

A little while after John had left, I was talking with a mutual acquaintance. She said that she had written him and suggested I should too. I seriously considered it. Where was the harm? So I did. The first time I opened my mail box to find John's reply, I just about died. I gave Chelsey and Kelsey a call and we freaked out about it for a while. This is how almost every letter opening proceeded for the next year.
After a while though it was just like I was writing my older brother. When I would see John's letters in the mail I would get a pleasant smile, and sometimes I would get real excited just because it was a great pick-me-up in the middle of a stressful week, but I didn't make any phone calls or get butterflies.

Then two months ago reality hit; John's two years were just about up. I didn't know what to expect. What was going to happen when he got home? I hadn't felt anything for him in over a year. I currently had my eye on another guy, Pete, and I really wanted to see if that would go somewhere. I was scared once John got home I would forget all about Pete and I didn't want to.

When John did get home he called me up and asked me on a date. To be honest, when he came to pick me up I was in my bedroom convincing myself that everything would be fine. And it was. We went on our date. It was lots of fun. Not too awkward. I definitely wasn't head over heels for John the way I had been before his mission. I actually didn't feel any spark of interest.

My liking of Pete continued and grew. He and I went on a couple dates. As I started looking back at how past crushes played out, I decided that maybe I was coming on too strong. This whole time I was considering John. Interest was growing. I decided that I would just go with whatever happened

This brings us to about a week ago. The semester was coming to a close and I was moving home. Pete went out of state for a summer job. I now live at home and three blocks away from John. This last weekend opportunities presented themselves and I am going with it. But I am scared I'm not ready.

Life in a song

I've come to the sad conclusion that I worry way too much about my love life.

But here is a song that pretty much summarizes where I am with life in general.

Social life

You know that moment when you find out you get to spend time with that someone you are interested in?

I don't know about you but I just about explode with excitement.

I have been containing that excitement inside me for a few days now.

Then today happened. 

I looked at my calendar and realized that it's going to have to be postponed.

Reality Check.

Trina, you a are a busy college student. 

Having a social life is not allowed.

Sometimes I really hate being busy.

What are we to do when faced with decisions?

In my experience I'm not very good at doing this on my own. I like second opinions. Sometimes I will ask just about anybody, just as long as they are an acquaintance of mine. 

One thing I do know is that I make the best decisions when I ask for advice from Heavenly Father.

Well a few days back I was faced with, what I thought, a decision that had to be made right away. It concerns men. Like always. (If you can't tell, I was the little girl on the who loved just about any boy I saw running around the playground. If you get tired of my constant rants, I apologize.) Well as I was freaking about knowing what to do, I was told by a few different friends and reassured by the Lord that I don't need to worry about it right now. I didn't want to have to choose... but right now I don't have to.

The answer was simple. Usually is... If you ever think you have a huge predicament and need help with it, ask our Father in Heaven. His answers are always the right way to do things.