Judging

Composed January 15, 2013

Today was stressful at work. We had treatments overlap and ended up getting an hour behind schedule. At the end of the day I went to go talk to a patient out in the waiting room and I overheard the mother of a patient talking. Well it was more like she was talking so that everyone could hear her.
She was just going on about how they had been sitting there for an hour and still had not been taken back; just being real snotty. I did not like her one bit.
When I looked at this lady I started judging her. Throughout her appointment she made more snotty comments, telling me how to do my job. After leaving I was putting things away. I went over to where she was sitting and oh dear it smelled bad.

I went out to finish cleaning things up for the night and I tried with two co-workers to vent about this lady. I was ignored. At first I was annoyed. Why didn't they agree with me. Then I realized, "I don't know this woman. I have no right to judge her. Even if I did know her that would not give me justification. I don't have to like her but I don't have to judge and I definitely do not have to gossip about her."
I am not sure if my co-workers ignored my comments because they didn't hear me and they were busy or if they were truly not wanting to talk badly about her but I am glad they didn't.

Going to Puerto Rico I am sure I am going to find plenty of people that I could judge. But I can't afford it. If I allow judgmental thoughts into my head there is no longer point for me to be out. The purpose for my mission is to love and serve. That would be impossible to do while judging them.

I pray that by the time you read this I will have found myself unable to judge because I have learned to love the people.

Justification

So I decided that I wanted to go home for the weekend. I took my computer with me and I swear I packed my charger. But you know sometimes my memory undermines my word... :{ So I had no way of living up to my goal. It is still on the table though.

Today I am just going to share my stupid moment of the day. I set up to numb the patient today with Lidocaine. While in the treatment, Doc decided he wanted Septocaine instead. I had already unsheathed the needle and did not think to put it back. I began taking it apart but I was struggling. It finally gave and my hands flew uncontrollably and I stabbed myself. It was only in my finger but I felt real sheepish. I bled. My finger reached sausage size and went numb for a couple hours.

I have the bruise to prove it.

The rainbow.

I don't know exactly how the phrase goes but the clouds always clear after a rainstorm.
Although today had it's stressful moments, I left work in such a good mood.
Costa vida for lunch. Not running from patient to patient. Getting out of the office on time. Getting to go dance for the first time in too long :}

I'm happe'

Stress

Today was stressful.
We got behind in work and everyone was frustrated.
A co-worker of mine wanted to go to a yoga class after work because she felt like she was living to work. She wanted to do something other than work and sleep.
Being behind we didn't finish on time.
While we were cleaning up Mollie declared that she didn't have to go tonight. That it wasn't that important.
And I believe wholeheartedly my response.
"No it is important! You need to have something for yourself, not just work."

Ladies and Gentleman work is important. But so is living. If we forget to live we are no more than robots. If you find yourself becoming mechanical find something little to bring you back to life. It doesn't have to be much. Go running. Read. Go on a walk. Play a board game with a loved one. It is the little things that count.

Employed!!!

I got the job!!!!!!!

All day I wanted to celebrate.
So I did in little ways.

I went swimming with Bri.

I ate a very large can of spaghetti-o's.

I went on a walk by myself wanting a treat.

I stopped at Sub Zero.
Being spontaneous and trying new things is not always a good idea.
Watermelon Custard with Cookie dough.... Elch.

So after eating as much of that as I could stand I went next door to Jamba Juice.
Mango a go go
Great second try.

Second Interview

School has begun again and I am no longer riding the gravy train at my parents. Moving out = Bills. Textbooks. Rent and Electric. Groceries. There's more but I don't really want to think about it all.
The great thing about it is if you want to pay it all off, you need money. So I started searching for jobs on campus. That was a fail. The only jobs that work for me are early morning/late night custodial. I've had my fill to last me a few years.

It was time to start looking in the neighborhood. Subway. Spoon it up. Shopko. That's as far as I had gotten. Then the last two called me for interviews. EXCITING! It's just an interview but it's a step in the right direction.

Both were on Saturday and both went really well. Unfortunately somebody did better in their interview for Spoon it Up because I didn't get the job. But I did get a second interview at Shopko. For today. At 12:30.
I'm praying with all my heart that it goes well because it's a job and I need one.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Busy... with nothing?

So you know that I recently quit my early morning job and began working full time as assistant manager at a Shaved Ice shack. I work Monday-Saturday for six hours or more a day. My duties include sitting on my bucket stool, reading a book, babysitting, oh and occasionally making a snow cone.
The shack has only been open since last Tuesday so it's understandable why it's been kind of slow. Once it gets later in the day it gets busier but last week I switched the manager for her morning shift so that I could babysit for our boss in the evening. So 4 of my 5 working days last week were spent all alone in the shack.

Whenever I get home I'm so tired that I pretty much don't accomplish anything of value. Horrible. I know. A week ago on Sunday my family had planned on going boating that Saturday. They had gone on Monday but I couldn't go because I was babysitting. By Thursday I was imagining myself floating behind our boat with my one ski strapped to my feet.

Saturday came and it seemed that the trip wasn't going to happen... I became sincerely annoyed and then made it my main focus of the morning to get my family out of the house and onto that lake. My efforts were successful and my first boating trip of the season was so wonderful. I really think I am going to take every chance I can get to take a break from busily sitting around doing nothing. So excited.

An end to insanity

I almost forgot to share the wonderful news!!!

So do you remember how I was insane and worked early morning custodial from 4-8?

Well it being summer and all, waking up at 3:30 and going to bed at 9 is no fun. My efforts to find a new job reached desperate. I eventually found one and two and half weeks ago so I put in my two weeks notice.

I guess I could just say my last day was last Friday.

Besides this morning, every day since I haven't woken up until 10:00.

Sleeping in is therapeutic.

If anybody finds themselves too hot over the summer and is in need of some cooling down, there is a new snow shack in the makings on 800 N in Orem. Right in front of a great little pet shop called Exotic Reef.

I've been hired full time so feel free to come stop by! I'm pretty sure it's going to be the best snow cone shack for miles around.

Laughterful

Last week I was filling out a job application. I reached one part where it asked me to list 5 words that I felt described me best. I was having a seriously hard time thinking of good ones, mostly because I didn't want to put a bunch of generic words. They have to get a real taste for who I am in these words.

I really wanted to write something down that pertained to how easily I am humored but couldn't think of any one word. I didn't want to put humorous because this entails being funny. I do have a hard time being serious and I have gotten a couple chuckles out of friends every now and then but I would not consider myself humorous. There were a few more of these words that applied to being humored but nothing that I was looking for.

After stewing for a while I invented a new word.
     Laughterful (adj) def. 1. Having lots of laughter bottled up inside oneself. 2. Easily humored.
Unfortunately for the sake of professionalism I refrained from writing it down. But oh how I wanted to put it down.

I like to think that I have started a few trends in my life and this is my new one.
Challenge: Use the word laughterful in regular conversation at least three times this week.
This new word describing my condition will be patented some day.

Lately

I've been trying to spend less time sitting in front of my computer wasting time. Result? I don't blog for a week and a half.

Well pretty much this last week I have been tired. I've been in such a bouncy mood. But still tired. 

Yesterday I almost fell asleep while getting my planters warts worked on.

I turned my alarm clock off and slept until 3:53. A.M. Just a reminder, I have to be to work at 4. Ya, problem. I was only about thirty minutes late. 

Then at about 2:00 today I decided it was time for a nap. I konked on one of the Richard's building benches and I woke up to find I had drooled on my backpack... Yummy. 

On a more lady-like note, I've started putting make-up on again. Mainly because I want to quit looking like a sweaty, disgusting mess when I get to a certain dance class, where, I get to dance and flirt with a certain cute boy.

On the dating spectrum, I have two friends who are setting me up on blind dates. That should be lots of fun. I am going to have to try not to say anything stupid or awkward... Unfortunately I'm really good at it.

I also got a letter in the mail from Natalie:} I was really super excited! She loves me.

And that is pretty much it. Have a wonderful week.

Tears are necessary sometimes

You know I could write this blog as if my life were perfect.
I could only ever talk about things that are good that happen to me but then it wouldn't be true to it's name.
A simple life doesn't mean that it's a PERFECT life. It's still life.

People say that you shouldn't focus on the bad. You should try to only see the good.
I've been guilty of saying it. But you can't ignore the hard stuff forever. So this is me telling you how I smacked it right in the face. It's still there but I've given it a piece of my mind and I will show that I will keep on living.
This might be a little scattered but that's how my thoughts are so...

Remember how I made my decision to cut my credit hours this semester from 17.5 to 13.5? Probably one of the smartest things I've done in the last couple of weeks.

Since school started last week I've been stressed.
During the day I've been trying my best to be the best student I can be.
My dance teachers have been throwing dance routines and combinations at me so fast, that the fact that I'm keeping up is a miracle.

I eat breakfast at 3:45ish. Lunch at 9. Then dinner at 3.
Every evening when I get home I am so exhausted I just want to collapse on my bed and sleep for 10 hours.
But every evening I start thinking about everything I have to do, handling my new job as SDEO secretary, all my homework, what groceries I'm going to buy, am I going to have enough for rent, and the fact that I have to wake up at 3 the next morning.

Then I remember that everything close to me isn't close at all. A week ago my apartment was a complete stranger to me. I don't live with wonderfully familiar faces anymore. Cam and Kenzie are potentially moving far away. My sweet little brother, who would rather hang out with me than his friends, can't just walk into my room and listen to me vent whenever I need it. He lives 30 minutes away. All the people who love me most, are far away. And the person I usually rely on to keep me thinking realistically, is going on a mission halfway around the world.

Every night I get stressed and anxious about life and I feel like no matter what I tell myself, it won't work. The only bit of crying I've been doing has been a couple tears in my bed or while writing in my journal.

Then last night happened.
Todd and I were trying to practice our routines when he asked, "You're a mess aren't you?"
I broke down and bawled my eyes out. I talked to Todd about my frustrations. About how much I hate my work hours. How I'm sure I would be doing fine if I weren't waking up so early. (Todd has worked the exact same job so he understands.)

Later I decided it was time to call Mom and talk to her about life.
***Just FYI mom's are wonderful. I'm so grateful to have Carrolee as mine.***
She knew just what I needed. She let me explode and then she comforted. Then she talked reason helping to calm me down. I'm no longer trying to convince myself that I can do this. She reminded me that I can. Talking to her has helped so much.

I'm still stressed but I'm no longer trying to say I'm not. I know that through Heavenly Father, I can conquer this semester.

I applied for a summer job up in Alaska last night. Just so I can get out of Utah. I also applied for two others alternate jobs for the semester to give myself options.

I also decided to call in sick this morning to work. I might not have a cold or the flu but I definitely was sick for a break. I'm starting over today. I woke up at 6:45. Showered. Did homework. Ate lunch. (I missed breakfast while sleeping.) Then baked potatoes for dinner this afternoon.

I can do this.

Nightmares.

Last night I did not sleep very well.

I'm not usually one to remember my dreams. I don't know why. But last night I have a vague memory. I dreamt about work. All. Night. Long.
I was seriously having a hard time deciphering what was dream and what was reality. I woke up at least 6 times last night freaking out thinking I was late for work.

When I did actually wake up to get ready for work I did not want to go. I just wanted to call in sick because my night was so rough. Once I pulled myself out of bed and got in the shower I was fine.

I must really be a morning person because after I actually get out of the sleepiness, I love being awake that early.

But when it comes to about five in the afternoon, I hate my hours. I dread the thought of going to work the next morning.

I was happy I didn't call in sick this morning. I clean the sports medicine room and the head trainer comes at 5-6ish to come work out. This morning his newly returned missionary son came with him... :} When He walked in, I was very happy to have my job.