Not Broken!

*Sorry I don't always talk about boys. It's just really easy to vent through writing.*

I remembered why I was so smitten by John!
He was the nicest guy I had ever met. He was just such a sweetie and that really slew me.
I'm not broken! Since then I have met a number of gentlemen who are just as nice if not more.
It is not a bad thing that I don't have the same feelings as before.

In the past few days I have decided that my interest in John might have been desperation for the feeling of being wanted.
This can apply to so many different scenarios. People don't be stupid. Let your mind put things in a different perspective before you do anything that you might regret. It might take a few days.

I think I might be broken

I am so confused.

To understand my confusion you need to hear a story.

Once upon a time... almost three years ago... I met a young man. We'll call him John. I know you have all heard songs that talk about being smitten from the first conversation you have with someone. Well I don't know how many of you have experienced this but I definitely have.
From the very start this guy made me all blubbery. I felt sheepish and at a loss of words. I got excited inside every time I saw him. Any time there was a chance I would see him. Anyway. We spent time together. Had some fantastic times on my front porch where we just talked for hours.

After a while we started seeing less of each other. Almost to the point where I thought I had moved on. I became involved with a different guy and John started getting ready to serve a mission. A couple months before  John left I saw him again and all the feelings I thought were gone came rushing back. I decided that John would always be that one guy that would have a part of me. That was the last time I saw him before he left.

A little while after John had left, I was talking with a mutual acquaintance. She said that she had written him and suggested I should too. I seriously considered it. Where was the harm? So I did. The first time I opened my mail box to find John's reply, I just about died. I gave Chelsey and Kelsey a call and we freaked out about it for a while. This is how almost every letter opening proceeded for the next year.
After a while though it was just like I was writing my older brother. When I would see John's letters in the mail I would get a pleasant smile, and sometimes I would get real excited just because it was a great pick-me-up in the middle of a stressful week, but I didn't make any phone calls or get butterflies.

Then two months ago reality hit; John's two years were just about up. I didn't know what to expect. What was going to happen when he got home? I hadn't felt anything for him in over a year. I currently had my eye on another guy, Pete, and I really wanted to see if that would go somewhere. I was scared once John got home I would forget all about Pete and I didn't want to.

When John did get home he called me up and asked me on a date. To be honest, when he came to pick me up I was in my bedroom convincing myself that everything would be fine. And it was. We went on our date. It was lots of fun. Not too awkward. I definitely wasn't head over heels for John the way I had been before his mission. I actually didn't feel any spark of interest.

My liking of Pete continued and grew. He and I went on a couple dates. As I started looking back at how past crushes played out, I decided that maybe I was coming on too strong. This whole time I was considering John. Interest was growing. I decided that I would just go with whatever happened

This brings us to about a week ago. The semester was coming to a close and I was moving home. Pete went out of state for a summer job. I now live at home and three blocks away from John. This last weekend opportunities presented themselves and I am going with it. But I am scared I'm not ready.

What are we to do when faced with decisions?

In my experience I'm not very good at doing this on my own. I like second opinions. Sometimes I will ask just about anybody, just as long as they are an acquaintance of mine. 

One thing I do know is that I make the best decisions when I ask for advice from Heavenly Father.

Well a few days back I was faced with, what I thought, a decision that had to be made right away. It concerns men. Like always. (If you can't tell, I was the little girl on the who loved just about any boy I saw running around the playground. If you get tired of my constant rants, I apologize.) Well as I was freaking about knowing what to do, I was told by a few different friends and reassured by the Lord that I don't need to worry about it right now. I didn't want to have to choose... but right now I don't have to.

The answer was simple. Usually is... If you ever think you have a huge predicament and need help with it, ask our Father in Heaven. His answers are always the right way to do things.