I think I might be broken

I am so confused.

To understand my confusion you need to hear a story.

Once upon a time... almost three years ago... I met a young man. We'll call him John. I know you have all heard songs that talk about being smitten from the first conversation you have with someone. Well I don't know how many of you have experienced this but I definitely have.
From the very start this guy made me all blubbery. I felt sheepish and at a loss of words. I got excited inside every time I saw him. Any time there was a chance I would see him. Anyway. We spent time together. Had some fantastic times on my front porch where we just talked for hours.

After a while we started seeing less of each other. Almost to the point where I thought I had moved on. I became involved with a different guy and John started getting ready to serve a mission. A couple months before  John left I saw him again and all the feelings I thought were gone came rushing back. I decided that John would always be that one guy that would have a part of me. That was the last time I saw him before he left.

A little while after John had left, I was talking with a mutual acquaintance. She said that she had written him and suggested I should too. I seriously considered it. Where was the harm? So I did. The first time I opened my mail box to find John's reply, I just about died. I gave Chelsey and Kelsey a call and we freaked out about it for a while. This is how almost every letter opening proceeded for the next year.
After a while though it was just like I was writing my older brother. When I would see John's letters in the mail I would get a pleasant smile, and sometimes I would get real excited just because it was a great pick-me-up in the middle of a stressful week, but I didn't make any phone calls or get butterflies.

Then two months ago reality hit; John's two years were just about up. I didn't know what to expect. What was going to happen when he got home? I hadn't felt anything for him in over a year. I currently had my eye on another guy, Pete, and I really wanted to see if that would go somewhere. I was scared once John got home I would forget all about Pete and I didn't want to.

When John did get home he called me up and asked me on a date. To be honest, when he came to pick me up I was in my bedroom convincing myself that everything would be fine. And it was. We went on our date. It was lots of fun. Not too awkward. I definitely wasn't head over heels for John the way I had been before his mission. I actually didn't feel any spark of interest.

My liking of Pete continued and grew. He and I went on a couple dates. As I started looking back at how past crushes played out, I decided that maybe I was coming on too strong. This whole time I was considering John. Interest was growing. I decided that I would just go with whatever happened

This brings us to about a week ago. The semester was coming to a close and I was moving home. Pete went out of state for a summer job. I now live at home and three blocks away from John. This last weekend opportunities presented themselves and I am going with it. But I am scared I'm not ready.