I'm a fish trying to climb a tree

 

 Well world, it's time for a little bit of honesty from myself. This last week has been a rough one. I was doubting all sorts of things and I was just struggling to remember how to be myself.

I'm not sure how many of you have experienced this but it's discouraging. 

Normally I'm a fairly cheery person. I am confident with myself. If I don't succeed in a class/test, I shake it off. "I did my best and that's all I can do."

I have a pretty good idea for how it started.

I have a class that I don't completely understand. World Civilization 202. The whole class is based off of discussion and thinking deeply about why certain things happen. The problem is that the professors way of teaching and my way of processing information are completely opposite of each other. The teacher just talks and talks during class. He doesn't create any real structure or clear connection of anything. All the information just blends together and I never know what to write down. So in class the other day we were asked to turn to our neighbor and explain why we thought a culture didn't test to see whether air flowed through our veins or if it was blood (All having to do with the discovery that the heart was a double valved pump). I thought hard why and turned to the guy next to me and told him. His response made me feel like I belonged at the front of the class with a dunce cap on. It was seriously degrading and I didn't want to be sitting there next to him any longer. As a result that was all I could think of for the rest of class. That's all I have been able to think about since. It has eaten at me. Has been the foundation for thoughts like, "I'm sick of being a disappointment to my Dad," or "I don't belong in college. I'm not advanced enough in my thinking."

I know that the fact that I'm thinking these things isn't because of that young man. It's because of Satan. He saw an opportunity to pull me down and he got me good. I have never gotten this confused with myself. 

It was even worse because I would look at how I felt in the last week then compare it to how I normally am. I felt as if I had forgotten how to be me. 

I think I became lax in my relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and that's how I  was caught off guard. I can't let this happen to me ever again because it's miserable. 

In my distress I've prayed to my Heavenly Father and I am working on becoming Katrina again.

The truth comes out

Very bluntly. Thank you Pete.

I suspected Pete wasn't single...

I was right.

I feel so relieved! Honestly.

Wondering about it was Stressful!

Ladies and Gents... This is last we'll all be hearing about Pete.

Warm Fuzzies

This song makes my heart happy.

That feeling of peace that everything will be alright is irreplaceable.

Dream a little dream. Doesn't matter the version. It's wonderful

Dear Pete

I give up.

I'm throwing in the towel.

I'm through trying.

If you're interested, it's your problem now.

Because I'm done thinking and worrying about it.

I understand that there comes a point where I just need to let it go.
I've gotten to that point.

It's no fun if you're playing a game on your own.

No matter how much you try to convince yourself it's not just you, it won't change your situation.

Goodbye Pete.

It's okay.
There are always other fish in the sea... Unfortunately quite a few look like this.

Smile

Throughout the decades music has adapted quite a bit.

I love how far we've come but too many people have forgotten how to appreciate music throughout history.

Growing up I listened to/played all kinds of music.

When I was super little I would sneak my mom's ABBA CD into the player and just sit and listen to it.

I'm not quite sure why it had to be ABBA but I loved it.

Whenever in the car my mom would play her country and although I decided I hated it for a while there in Junior high I came to accept that I do love it... And for some reason country helps me relax.

I would jam out to Backstreet boys and N'Sync with my best friend.

I don't know how long we spent day dreaming that Nick would come walking down our street and knock on her door... It was great :}

I listened and loved all the music my brothers listened to. Five Iron Frenzy. Aquabats. They Might Be Giants. Mainly because I thought they were so cool.

Around 3rd grade I began playing violin and gained an appreciation for a new sound.

In 7th grade I started playing trombone and what we played wasn't mainly Bach or Beethoven...

It was better. 

And then I was introduced to Jazz. 

I had a harder time grasping everything that came with Jazz

but I did gain a love for it.

Recently my roommate introduced to Korean Pop. It's growing on me.

Now, there will be days when I won't want to hear 'Firework' one more time or else I might go crazy.

When all I want to hear Ingrid Michaelson's wonderful tones.

Or movie sountracks.

But lately I have noticed that I've had more of an itch for smooth jazz...

Oooh baby their voices flow like honey and it just gets me...

If you've never heard it, shame. If you have, we can be friends.

Here's one that I just found and already love.

 Enjoy a Charlie and a sound that makes you melt.

Pulled Pork and Slaw

So in all reality this sandwich looks slightly disgusting. But don't judge. A lot of the food we eat looks pretty nasty...

I discovered this beauty during winter semester this last year. There is a joint on campus that makes a bunch of unique sandwiches. I had a friend who worked there and in my efforts to visit her while at work I decided to try something new (Doesn't always end with unfavorable results).

They put it on *sourdough bread. Top the pork with some sort of cheese (Swiss, Mozzarella, or Provolone). Toast it and then give you the choice of Thousand Island dressing. Then the coleslaw goes on top.

It's Very delicious! One of those yummy treats that doesn't make you feel like you are eating a sandwich of grease and mayo.

If you ever get the chance to try one, just do it!


*Also good on wheat bread.

Employed!!!

I got the job!!!!!!!

All day I wanted to celebrate.
So I did in little ways.

I went swimming with Bri.

I ate a very large can of spaghetti-o's.

I went on a walk by myself wanting a treat.

I stopped at Sub Zero.
Being spontaneous and trying new things is not always a good idea.
Watermelon Custard with Cookie dough.... Elch.

So after eating as much of that as I could stand I went next door to Jamba Juice.
Mango a go go
Great second try.

Second Interview

School has begun again and I am no longer riding the gravy train at my parents. Moving out = Bills. Textbooks. Rent and Electric. Groceries. There's more but I don't really want to think about it all.
The great thing about it is if you want to pay it all off, you need money. So I started searching for jobs on campus. That was a fail. The only jobs that work for me are early morning/late night custodial. I've had my fill to last me a few years.

It was time to start looking in the neighborhood. Subway. Spoon it up. Shopko. That's as far as I had gotten. Then the last two called me for interviews. EXCITING! It's just an interview but it's a step in the right direction.

Both were on Saturday and both went really well. Unfortunately somebody did better in their interview for Spoon it Up because I didn't get the job. But I did get a second interview at Shopko. For today. At 12:30.
I'm praying with all my heart that it goes well because it's a job and I need one.

I'll let you know how it goes.